...And this is my story

Tears Now a days are struggling even harder to roll down the eyes.. The agony now a days is trying more powerfully to break me down.. Storm of thoughts howling in my brain have started destroying everything.. It feels like life have started tearing apart from me.. I've just become like a skeleton wearing just a piece of flesh over it.. I feel to stay away!! I feel unwanted!! I feel like I'm worth nothing to people!!  I feel like being treated like an option!! I feel lonely!! I feel broken!! I feel to lay down all the day!! I feel like I should stab my head all day in the pillow! I don't want to wake up every morning! I can say I hated the voice of alarm! I slept all day coz I thought that sleep was my escape!! Simply waking up was the hardest struggle of my life those days!! I had no strength to go and talk to people! But every morning I need to wake up and face people with the brightest smile! I need to work and I need to Mess.. I spend nights crying my heart out.. Sitting front of a mirror.. Watching myself breaking into the pieces.. Cursing myself for owning this life.. Hating myself for staying alive!! With Teary red eyes and tired body!! Every night I try my highest to sleep!! But as I successfully do so, that storm of thoughts stuck my mind!! Is this what destiny wants me to face? Is this what was written in my fate? Is this what my fortune have decided me to suffer through?  Is this it?? I was never so broken, I was never so weak. Is this me? Every night as I successfully go to a sound sleep, something calls me.. I feel like something or someone is trailing me towards itself.. I hear a soft voice continuously saying " You're enough, you have suffered enough, you have experienced enough, you're broken enough.. Come to me.. Life is a sweet lie and I'm a bitter truth.. Come.. Sleep in my lap and you'll be free from all the sufferings.. Come.. " and again all my efforts took up for sleeping goes useless.. Nothing more that those sleepless nights haunted me.. And suddenly something gets me thinking.. What about listening to that voice and sleeping in it's lap.. And this single thought pushes me into the ocean of fiction.. What will I get sleeping in It's lap?? Where all I find myself?? And once I saw myself lying on bed, dead.. A cutter in one hand and another hand bleeding down remaining life in me making me all dead.. Next time I found myself somewhere on the floor and the poison reaction liquid flowing to the ground from my mouth.. And for the next time I found myself taking support of the wall and walking to someone till then the sleeping pills would make me sleep in the deepest sleep.. And for the next time I find myself hanging.. And for the next time I find myself on the ground,  head stuck on a stone and bleeding out.. Heart only hopes someone to say "I think I know how does it feels like.. " which would stop my heart from burning and soul from breaking further.. But one fine sleepless night, I didn't find my soul craving for death.. And fortunately next fine morning I didn't wake up sobbing.. I didn't found my head damn heavy and my body badly weak.. I didn't woke up with a forced smile on my face.. And I realised that what would happen if I sleep forever.. These people would cry for weeks or months and then!! They would be okay.. Their life won't stop for me.. And I realized that I moved on.. That only happened because I could realise that I was depressed!! I probably didn't totally move on but I've accepted myself and my life in the way it was.. I realised that no matter how knotted my life will be, I could handle it well.. I've realised that nothing stays forever.. I've realised that this time will go.. I've realised that I wasn't born to let my soul crave for death.. But I was born to live.. I was born to breathe.. I was born to smile.. I was born for myself.. I'm a born surviver.. I won't become a queen wearing a tiara or a crown.. But the war scars on my skin and the fire burning in my eyes will surely make me a queen.. Not just a queen but also a warrior.. And this is my story and I'm proud to be me...